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  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993628/my-gold-mine">My Gold Mine</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">This morning, I felt like I struck gold. I DID strike gold. As a senior citizen now, I can’t keep up with all the features of any one app, like for instance, Facebook Messenger. Who knew that you had to check it to see if anyone had written you? Further, who knew that Facebook filters messages it perceives to be spam? Somehow, ancient messages from the years 2012 through 2015 surfaced this morning and boy was it fun!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">One woman wrote from Greece. She wanted to know if I was the person who sang and wrote “Quit It.” Yes! I am, I told her (four years late!!). She told me in broken English that she’d heard the song on multiple compilations and wanted to find out who had sung it. Hah! Who knew there were compilations in Greece with my songs on them either? Un- authorized distributions, of course, but what the heck. I’ll take it. Someone in Europe is listening to a song I wrote in 1992 and was released on </span><em style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Silence is Broken. </em><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Wow! How great is that?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Another guy wrote from Philadelphia. He heard something of mine on WXPN Radio and told me he’d been a fan for years. Really? Who knew? I sure didn’t. He’d written three years ago. Still another person wrote to tell me they’d read a short story I’d written that was published in <em>The Sun</em> magazine. That story was about Forrest. It moved her enough to find me. I didn’t get her message until this morning, a year later.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Anyway, you get the point. There were a dozen or so of these filtered messages. Reading them I felt like I might explode. People I don’t know were encountering my work and felt compelled to write. It doesn’t get much better than that for me.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Within a few minutes of discovering all these wonderful messages one of my songwriting students showed up for her weekly lesson. Katie is fourteen and well on her way to writing a lifetime of songs. I couldn’t help but tell her about my windfall – not to impress her, but because it continues to amaze me that my music (or anyone’s music, words, art) travels as far as it does, in ways we can’t control or cause. I told Katie all of this so she would continue to write, to continue to do the best she can, so that one day she’ll be as surprised as I was this morning to hear from people she’s never met. What a thrill. I’m grateful beyond words.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/c9dd88dd42d2a6273b1e7d39530abd2ca935da8b/original/katie-crop.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6MjQ0eDM2NSJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="365" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="244" /></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">This is Katie.  </span></p></div>
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  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993627/monty-jerome-and-the-present-giver">Monty, Jerome, and The Present Giver.</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">A few weeks ago I flew back to Colorado after the Woodstock Writers’ Festival. I was tired when our plane landed in Denver. There was still another short flight to Colorado Springs and a 90-minute drive through canyons in the pitch dark after that. My visit east, as always, had exhausted me. I get filled up and drained all at the same time. So much love, a sort of overdose of love: my parents, Forrest, all the people in town who I miss or who miss me, or both. It’s a joyful tiredness, and as deep a tiredness as I feel these days. <br><br></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">           Our plane landed and all was well. I had an hour to transfer to the little plane that would take us the rest of the way. But when we were all in our seats and traveling down the tarmac, the weather turned. Planes were piling up. The pilots came on and said we’d be able to take off in twenty minutes if all went well. Thirty minutes later he came back on and said we’d used too much fuel sitting there and we’d need to go back to the terminal to get more. When there were no gates to pull into, we sat some more. Eventually the pilots and crew were timed-out. We were asked to get off the plane and reschedule our flights for the following day. It was 9:30 pm by then.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            While we were in line to find flights, I overheard another passenger say he was going to rent a car, did anyone want to join him? I spoke right up. “I’ll go,” I said, and jumped out of line. Another young man did the same. Part of me was tentative. I didn’t know these guys but I wanted to get home. We took off at a gallop to get to the car rental place ahead of others. I’d chosen well it turned out. The guy who was renting the car had a Star Account or a Gold Account or whatever they call it, at several car rental places. All he had to do was send an email and a car would be waiting. In the end we jumped onto a Hertz bus to a car. By then it was raining hard, the kind of rain that is right on the cusp of snow. Slick and dangerous. It was a long night already and it was going to get longer.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            As we were putting our bags in the trunk, I realized I’d left my backpack on the Hertz bus. I cursed at first, then thought of my laptop and how it was time to replace it anyway. I was so desperate to get home that I said, “I gotta let it go. I can’t handle trying to get it back right now.” Without even thinking about it, Monty, the leader of our trio, took off on foot to run after the bus. He’d told us while we were waiting for our luggage that he’d come home from a California business trip to pick up his wife and kids in Colorado Springs for his grandfather’s funeral the following day. The funeral was in Montana, a 12-hour drive starting in the morning 8 hours later. With all that, he didn’t think twice about retrieving my aging computer.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            When we were finally in motion I opened my backpack assuming my computer would be gone but it wasn’t. That’s when I remembered my grandmother’s silver link necklace, earrings I’d bought for myself on Forrest’s 16<sup>th</sup> birthday, and a necklace that Brent had had made for me when we first met. I carry these and a few other things with me whenever I travel because I can’t bear to lose them. All the cash I’d earned on my trip was in there too.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            As we traveled south Jerome and Monty did most of the talking. I sat in the back aware of my choice and the symbolism. Monty had recently retired from the Pueblo City School System where he’d been a superintendent. Jerome had grown up in Baltimore. This had been his first trip back east to see friends. “I wanted ta see my cousin,” he said, “but I don’t need ta see him again. The boy hasn’t changed. Nothin’s changed.” There was a lot of frustration and sadness in his words. Monty and I both wanted to hear more. “What do you do in Colorado Springs?” Monty asked. “I’m a corrections officer,” which caused me to say, “I’m a good girl, Jerome, I swear,” as I patted his shoulders. I always say something silly like that. I want black people to know I understand when I have no clue. As soon as I did it I pulled into myself and thought <em>just listen, Bar, there are things to learn tonight.</em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><em>            </em>Jerome went on. “I work at the juvenile detention center.” He was due at work in eight hours, too. Monty asked what he did there. “I work with sixteen year olds. I like to give them hope. I want to show them there’s more to life than where they came from.” Monty shared some stories about helping troubled students in his schools. I imagined his kids to be better off than Jerome and his friends on the streets of Baltimore but I have no idea if that’s true. Eventually the two of them got to talking about things other than work. “I’m a cage fighter,” Jerome said, “145 pound category.” Monty was interested, so was I. “Sometimes I gotta lose 25 pounds to fight.” He told us how he did it: “I sauna, I sweat, I don’t eat a lot for a couple of weeks before I fight. After we weigh in, I eat whatever I can to build myself back up. I got 24 hours to get ready. I don’t really like the fighting part. It’s the training I like.”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            A little over an hour later we got to our cars in the long-term parking lot at Colorado Springs. Monty had to go into the terminal to return the keys, so Jerome walked me to my car and made sure it started. Before he left I got all teary-eyed and said, “You’ve moved me deeply, Jerome. I love what you’re doing with those kids in detention.” He was a fine man who had beaten the odds and I was impressed.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            The following day I wrote Monty a thank you note. He wouldn’t let us help pay for the car or gas. I asked him for his mailing address so I could send a gift without knowing what that gift would be. A few days later I sent him a copy of, <em>The Present Giver. </em>This morning when I opened my email there was a message from him.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">           </span><em style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Bar, your package touched me deeper than you know…</em></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">He went on to say he’d torn a muscle at his son’s baseball practice the day before, and that because of his frustration he’d yelled at that son and sent him to bed for some minor infraction a few minutes before he’d opened my package. Without thinking about it, he sat down and read the whole book. Afterwards he went in to his kids’ room and held both of his sons as they slept.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            These are the kinds of messages that keep me whole. Monty talked about Forrest in his email as though Forrest were alive. And for him, he is! That’s the miracle of writing. I cried hard when I finished reading his note. Forrest had come back to me for a few brief moments, and I was reminded again that going on an adventure can revitalize me. If I hadn’t met Monty and Jerome that night I wouldn’t know about cage fighting, or detention centers, I wouldn’t know about the streets of Baltimore from a young black man’s point of view, and I wouldn’t have spent a little time as a mom again this morning.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">*</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">For those of you who are new to my website, <em>The Present Giver</em> is a memoir I wrote. If you want to know more, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B01EGJMQYS?ref_=pe_1724030_132998070">click here.</a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            </span></p></div>
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  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993626/becoming">Becoming</a>&nbsp;
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<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">I’m sad today. Maybe it’s the snow that’s falling when my body wants it to be spring. Maybe it’s being alone for six days straight, a gift in many ways but also boring after a while. Maybe it’s that I was in Woodstock last week and I feel more and more distant from my life there, as if it’s gone from me forever. It’s not, of course, but it’s changed its place in my heart. Maybe it’s that I’m transitioning from writing music that others will hear soon, to writing for myself because doing concerts regularly is harder and harder. There’s relief in that but also loss. I’ve been struggling with this transition for several years now. I often think of Annie Haslam when I get in this particular funk. She’s the lead singer of the band Renaissance and someone I did concerts with years ago. I remember when she was going through this herself. Much of her identity was wrapped up in being a singer that people knew. When she began to retire, she started to paint in earnest. I admired her then and am inspired by her now because of her graceful transition. But then I wonder if it was as graceful as it looked or whether she was out of sorts the way I am now. My guess is that it was tricky terrain for her too.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">In fact, my trip to Woodstock was filled with good stuff. The Writers’ Festival was dense with compelling stories, the workshop I led was excellent: the writing was inspiring and the people who attended were wonderful. I saw lots of old friends and places that filled me up with love. The reading I did with Abigail Thomas was well received and made me wish we could do it more often. People seemed genuinely moved by the combination of her work and mine. She’s so raw, and I suppose I am too. But the differences in the way we live and write seemed good for people to witness. After we read people asked questions. One of the things that came out of that was the fact that neither Abby nor I write everyday in any sort of disciplined way. We’re both erratic when it comes to creativity. Most writing advice says that a person should write at least an hour a day, once a day, every day. I don’t subscribe to that, although I probably would be better off if I did. But creativity is happening inside of me all the time. When I finally sit down to write or play the piano in a productive way, I’ve built up so much steam that I have to get it out. Even then it doesn’t flow easily. I have to work on it. When it starts to roll, that’s when I write or play every day, sometimes all day. I guess the point is that we’re all different in the way we do things. Our culture demands that we achieve things. It’s tiring and unnecessary. I’m not saying we should sit around doing nothing, but I sure wish the pressure to <em>become</em> something were less intense.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Today is a day for playing. Abby often reminds me that on days when I’m sad or lost I should make something. She’s right. It always works. </span></p></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993625/weather">Weather</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/462b9ec94f77937aca22c157c19a909690a42464/original/p1000526.jpeg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NTAweDI2OCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="Sangre de Cristos covered in white clouds and blue sky" height="268" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="500" /></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Weather</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"><span>A couple of weeks ago my brother met a couple with a 6-month-<span>old girl at a coffee shop in </span></span>Hong Kong. The young family was sitting at a nearby table. My brother was drawn to the little girl so he said hello. After a brief conversation the family got up to go. A moment later, the father came back and thanked my brother for his kindness. He said, “I don’t usually tell people this, so I’m not sure why I’m telling you, but our little girl is sick.” My brother asked what was going on, and the father said “she’s got a rare liver cancer called hepatoblastoma. She’s just finished her third round of chemo.” My brother looked him in the eye and said, “I know all about it. My sister’s son had hepatoblastoma too.” The next day I was put in contact with the mother and we’ve been texting back and forth ever since.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">The little girl’s liver surgery is scheduled for next week. It’s the critical event of her treatment. While her mom and I were texting yesterday I realized it’s been almost exactly 15 years since Forrest, Peter, and I were going through the same thing. Hard to believe it’s been that long, but it has.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">This morning while I was walking the dogs and looking at the mountains I thought about the fact that I haven’t taken any pictures for a while, and that I haven’t written here for just as long. I wondered why. I think about writing here but haven't felt like I had anything to say. The Sangres were beautiful as always: snow-covered, craggy and a little ominous. The aspen closer-by have little puffs of gray-white fur on the ends of their branches. Their leaves are just about ready to burst. The sky was clear and blue like it almost always is in Colorado. I thought </span><em style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">the reason I haven’t taken any pictures is because there hasn’t been any weather. When there isn’t any weather the sky isn’t as pretty or dramatic. Perfect weather bores a photographer after a while. </em><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">The thought of stormy weather, threatening clouds, or wind being more interesting than the calm sky I saw this morning reminded me of my friend who is coping with the terror of her baby’s cancer. No one wants or needs that much turbulence to remind them of the fullness of life, but there’s no question life is more vital when there’s disturbance in the air. Fifteen years later I’ve forgotten to live as though I had only one day left. My friend in Hong Kong is doing just that.  </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Bluebird in a Blue Sky</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/88d7eb043382ebb562d0e62100e34a3bf2b734da/original/p1000513.jpeg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NTAweDQwNyJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="bluebird on a wire with blue sky" height="407" width="500" /> </span></p></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993624/dialogue-worth-reading">Dialogue worth reading</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Last year my sister gave me a book written by Lynda Barry called <em>What It Is. </em>If you’re a writer, or an artist working in any form, I highly recommend this book. It’s dense and intense but Barry has a handle on some pretty common issues artists face (and people generally). She’s an illustrator who teaches art, but this book is directed at writers. She’s a great writer, too.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">The reason I’m mentioning it here is that there’s this one sequence of dialogue in the early part of the book that I keep thinking about. Barry’s describing a conversation with her husband. It’s set in a comic strip of the two of them. Here’s how it goes:</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">He says: <em>“what's wrong, Hon?”</em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">She responds, <em>“Nothing. Moody.”</em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">(and it goes on back and forth)</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"> </span></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“how come?”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“don’t know”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“wanna walk in the grove?”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“yeah…but no”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“which means?”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“I don’t know”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“C’mon. Just walk”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“I don’t even know what’s bugging me”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">“Worried about your book?”</span></em></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"> </span></em></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">(and this is the part that got me):</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">She says, <em>“Oh, there’s my book, the war, the laundry, things I said 15 years ago, the environment, my double chin, unanswered mail, what an ass I am, what a dirty house we have - - and I’ve had “Good-bye Yellow Brick Road” playing in my head for days.”</em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">          </span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Her answer about what’s bugging her sounds so much like what’s going on in my own head that I could laugh and cry at the same time. “Things I said 15 years ago” is the line that nailed me. I’ve blurted out a lot of things over the years hoping to be funny or smart-sounding then felt like a fool afterwards. I wonder if I should apologize to anyone, or if apologizing stirs things up again and reminds people of dumb things I’ve said that they’ve happily forgotten.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Reading Barry’s insecurities reminded me that I’m not perfect in all kinds of ways – that I’ve been growing up and will continue to be growing up for the rest of my life.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span></p>
<p><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">excerpts from Lynda Barry's </span></em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">What It Is</span><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"> ©</span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Lynda Barry, 2008</span></em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"><br></span></p></div>
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  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993623/your-work">Your Work</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">I subscribe to a blog created by a publishing company run by and for women writers called <strong><a href="http://www.shewritespress.com">SheWritesPress</a></strong>. Every week or so I get an email with a bunch of links to articles I hardly ever read, but one last week caught my eye. The title was “Don’t Quit Your Day Job.” That phrase has always irritated me. What I think when I hear it is <em>You’re not good enough to do the thing you love so don’t fool yourself. </em>I might also think <em>the person who just said that thinks the grind of a 9 to 5 job is more virtuous, more responsible and mature than the person who commits everything to their art. </em>As far as I know, no one has ever said these words to me, but it’s become a cliché thing to say to or about artists who are struggling with the business side of their work.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">I dislike this phrase so much that I read the blog to see what the author had to say. Maybe she and I agreed? We didn’t, but she had a better attitude.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Her point was that if you’re lucky enough to have a job that gives you the time, energy, and resources to do the writing you love, then write about your job; use the things you do at work as material for the writing you’re doing. If you’re a waitress at night, use the restaurant as your set. If you’re a temp worker, use the office and the workers you meet as your characters. The author’s words struck home for me. I realized I was in the process of doing exactly what she was describing: I’m writing a book about being a musician. I felt like she was cheering me on. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">In November one of the stories I've written for my someday-to-be-finished book was published in an anthology called </span><strong><a href="http://www.storiesofmusic.com"><em style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Stories of Music</em></a></strong><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">. I met with the publisher/editor, Holly Tripp, for lunch on Thursday. Our meeting was a mutual admiration society event: she wants me to finish my book (I am) and I want her to keep pushing her book (she is). <strong><a href="http://www.storiesofmusic.com">Take a look.</a></strong> It's a beautiful project.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Maybe twenty years ago my father started sending out a newsletter to a small group of family and friends. He distributes it on above-average 8” x 11” paper that’s printed by a real printer, not duplicated. Both sides are filled with short paragraphs that feature his thoughts on different topics he’s interested in. But a few years ago he called it quits. Putting it together was no longer what he wanted to do with his time. His readers rebelled! At a family gathering two summers ago, we circulated a petition demanding he recommence. He did! I think that petition proved to him that a bunch of us were paying attention; we wanted to know his point of view on matters of politics, banking, world events, etc. Whenever his newsletter arrives (one came last week) I open it with enthusiasm and curiosity.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">In early April, I’ll be doing a writing workshop geared towards writers who have not yet shared their writing with others, or, writers who are terrified to share their work. The one-day event will be part of the Annual <strong><a href="http://www.woodstockwritersfestival.com">Woodstock Writers Festival</a></strong>. For those of you in Colorado, I’ll be doing a similar workshop at the <strong><a href="http://www.CCWritersExchange.org/Registration.html">Writers Exchange</a></strong> in Buena Vista, CO on February 6</span><sup style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">. I’m promoting events I’m involved in, yes, but more than anything I’m hoping to nudge you along. Whatever it is you love to do, however you do it, please keep it up. What you create is important. Carry on!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Happy New Year!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">Bar</span></p>
<p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/6d2812f5855dbade7959f301933291efc6d61afb/original/img-0377.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NjQweDQ4MCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="480" width="640" /></p>
<p><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;"><em><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">This was a few nights ago in The Wet Mountain Valley. Cold, cold, cold, but so clear. If you're ever near these parts (Westcliffe, CO) make sure to be here at night. We've recently been designated the ninth Dark Skies location in the world, which is to say, the stars at night are bright. If you're missing the stars because of artificial light, this is the place to come!</span></em></span></p></div>
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  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993622/doors-opening">Doors Opening</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/678027a6846bcabf871dad39d122fa408fbcc002/original/p1000278-med.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NjQweDQ4MCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="480" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></p>
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<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">I recently read a book on Finding Vocation written by a Quaker named Parker Palmer. Some of what he writes about describes my current struggle exactly. He talks about a time in his life when he felt lost and frustrated. He thought he should have been more successful by then (he was in his mid-thirties). When he went to the elders of the church to ask why doors hadn’t opened for him yet and how to find his path, one of the women responded, “Sometimes the way forward is learned by doors closing behind you rather than by doors opening in front of you.” When I read that, I started to cry. That single sentence crystallized the facts of my own path: Music Business doors I’ve half-heartedly banged on for thirty-five years have never really opened up for me. The sporadic openings that have occurred have been tantalizing enough to keep me knocking, but they’ve never swung wide open. Maybe that’s because I haven’t worked hard enough, maybe it’s because I didn’t want it badly enough, but it’s still true. My question is how do I know if <em>doors not opening</em> means to give up, or, if it means to try a new angle? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">And, how do I know if anything I might still write or sing has any meaning or relevance to anyone else anyway?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">This morning, I talked to my husband about all of this and he said, “I think a lot of us feel that way.” Like me, sometimes he wonders if anything he has to say, or anything he might still do, has any meaning or purpose. Knowing he struggles too made me feel better. I wasn’t alone. His empathy made me want to write, which is why I’m here typing away trying to make sense of my thoughts and sharing them with you. Thinking about all those doors that have closed behind me, I realize that what’s left are all the other doors I might open if I turn around and look.</span></p>
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<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Let-Your-Life-Speak-Listening/dp/0787947350/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1449086443&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=voice+of+vocation">Here's a link to the book Parker Palmer wrote</a></span></p>
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</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993621/small-gatherings-for-music">Small Gatherings for Music</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">This morning I got a message from someone who’s been reading my emails and blogs since 2000 when they started. He wondered why he hadn’t heard from me for a while. Was I well? Unwell? Happy? Too busy to write? I was glad to tell him I was happy, busy, not too busy to write, just too busy to have anything real to offer. His nudge, a note from my dad this morning, a conversation with my husband yesterday, and a concert I did Saturday night got me thinking about what’s worth writing about so here I am again.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">The note from my dad was actually a newspaper clipping.  He and my mom read several newspapers every morning so I often get cutouts if they read something they think I’d be interested in. The title of this one from <em>The New York Times</em> was “Only the Strong Survive” by someone named Toure (with an accent on the ‘e’). Toure’s article talked about the state of the music business (Not good); the subtitle was “How the music industry has coped with the erosion of revenue caused by streaming” (Not well). Reading it – having just read a book Toure refers to in the article called <em>The Song Machine</em> by John Seabrook – I thought to myself, <em>ah, I understand this because I’ve been making music during this period of collapse</em>. Both authors write as journalists not as musicians so for them the news is new. Both say what everyone else is saying: <em>if I can get songs for free why should I pay for them? </em>I don’t think this particular ship is going to turn around any time soon. Why <em>would</em> you pay for songs if you can get them for free?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">     The conversation with Brent stemmed from an article he’d read about Oliver Sacks, the famed neurologist who studied music’s impact on the brain as well as many other things. The article Brent shared with me had to do with the events that led to Sacks’s commitment to music as a field of inquiry. I’ll include the link at the end of this entry, but in a nutshell the man was stranded on the side of a fjord with a mangled leg and the threat of dying of hypothermia if he didn’t get himself out of the situation within a few hours. What saved him was his ingenuity, an umbrella, and the music in his head. He survived his descent by making a splint from the shaft of his umbrella then he crawled out butt to the ground. To keep his spirits up, he sang. The rhythm he found kept him going. He describes how his body became the music; that his muscles were made of music.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">     Saturday night I did a concert here in our living room. We were expecting 40 or so people, but because we’d told everyone to bring whomever they’d like and to spread the word, 85 people showed up – pretty amazing in a small town like this one. We scrambled for chairs and pillows for people to sit on. Wine was shared as everyone settled in. I’d decided to do some things I hadn’t done for a while including inviting 5 other musicians to sit in with me on one or two songs each, then showing a slideshow of my friend Bill Gillette’s photographs while I played four piano pieces I’d written many years ago. I also read two stories from the book I’m writing. It was a hodgepodge of Bar stuff and it turned out to be a fine night. The concert was not too long, not too short. The feel in the room was warm, welcoming, and open. I felt as good as I ever have during and afterwards. Mostly what I felt was vitality in myself and in others by the end of the night.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">     When I think about the business of music I feel lucky. I’ve been able to keep going. My family has supported me. You all have, my husbands have, and the ears nearby have always been willing to listen. Sometimes I get frustrated with how things have gotten, but I don’t think it’s true that only the strong survive as Toure has suggested. I don’t feel strong. What I feel is the truth of my calling. I want to make music and I want to share it. Saturday night proved to me yet again that others want and maybe even need to hear it. There’s a lot of good music happening that isn’t on the music biz radar. For me it’s the small events where a few people gather that are the most meaningful. More and more I’m seeing that the words ‘Music’ and ‘Business’ are oxymoronic. They don’t go together. I find wisdom in my potter friend Tony’s axiom: </span><em style="font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif; font-size: medium;">I sell just enough pots to keep me in clay.</em></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><em> </em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><em><a href="https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/09/oliver-sacks-a-leg-to-stand-on/?mc_cid=637ca026b4&amp;mc_eid=30d7a14828">Here’s the link</a> to Oliver Sacks’s Story. </em>Brain Pickings<em> is something worth reading and subscribing to:</em></span></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p><a href="https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/09/oliver-sacks-a-leg-to-stand-on/?mc_cid=637ca026b4&amp;mc_eid=30d7a14828">https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/09/oliver-sacks-a-leg-to-stand-on/?mc_cid=637ca026b4&amp;mc_eid=30d7a14828</a></p>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993620/a-nice-realization">A Nice Realization</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">On Sunday, my husband Brent and I went with our dogs up to some land he owns south of town. To get to his place you need a 4-wheel drive vehicle. It’s a challenging ride. There’s lots of bumping and swaying to get to the first gate, then even more to get to the second. You have to hold on tight. He and the dogs love it and so do I, but I’m not always willing to endure the trek. Often I’d rather sit in my studio and play or write.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Brent’s 45 acres are adjacent to The San Isabel National Forest. Westcliffe, the town we live in, is already remote. San Isabel and Brent’s land in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains is true wilderness. There are elk, mountain lion, pronghorn, deer, fox, bear and other critters nearby. I’ve never seen them when we’re hiking up there but there’s plenty of scat to prove they’re around. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Unlike the mostly treeless valley where our house is, Brent’s property is covered with Ponderosa Pines, Aspen and other trees. There’s a deep crevice on the northern edge where the water from melting glaciers above runs down to the valley below. The ground is littered with ancient rocks, the trails are covered with tall grass, and everywhere you look there's a dense and rich understory.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Wally, our wolf/huskie mix, loves to chase rabbits into their hiding spots up there. He’s also been known to run squirrels up a tree at a pretty fast clip.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Sunday morning we left our campsite at 8:30 for a slow, quiet stroll on the edge of the cliff above the creek. We weren’t talking; just walking twenty feet from one another enjoying the quiet, the sun on our backs, and the clear blue sky. Brent was off to my left. He stopped for a moment to look out. I stopped too. The sun was warm. Tasha, our Siberian Huskie stood with me while Wally ran softly around us. Brent’s back was facing me. He looked content and happy. His head was tilted to the right; his arms were gently wrapped around his chest. He was taking in the view. We stood there unmoving for several minutes. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            There are times when I question the amount of time, energy, and money Brent spends on his land. He clears brush regularly to inhibit wildfires, he cuts deadfall up to heat our home, he’s built stairs to the creek, and has a solar-powered trailer to run his tools when he needs them. I’ve often wondered if all the work is worth it. It’s beautiful up there whether he tends to it or not.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            But Sunday morning, watching him look out over his most favorite place, I knew he was doing what he loved best; that the money and time he spends making his land more beautiful is exactly like the money and time I spend making music. The best reason for doing any of it is our own joy. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/6d7caabd81a4e06fae330655f86a422c17c37c4e/original/image.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NDgweDY0MCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="640" width="480" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"> Brent enjoying the news at our campsite. </span></p>
<p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/def1898fda928ab2d1c354ce9c42478166926d78/original/image-1.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NjQweDQ4MCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="480" width="640" /></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Tasha and Wally down by the creek. Both pictures taken earlier this summer. </span></p></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/fellow-human-bar-scott-substack/blog/5993619/all-things-in-time">All Things in Time</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Once a week my friends Doris and Nicole and I meet by phone or in person to do some writing together. One or more of us offers a prompt then we take 20 minutes to write quickly in response to that prompt. This morning was our writing day. Sometimes what I write could be developed into something more, sometimes what I write is a disaster, sometimes I learn something without realizing I needed to learn it. This morning was one of those times. The prompt was:</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Keeping your shaky hand steady</span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Here's what I wrote:</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            I learned this week that our Tasha-girl Siberian Husky would prefer to be fed by hand: spoonful-by-spoonful, morsel-by-morsel, kibble bit-by-kibble bit. Surgery to her front left paw informed me of her preference. Pain meds were hidden deep in the goo of canned dog food twice a day. To make sure she swallowed the pills, I fed her in spoonfuls and she ate voraciously. At first I thought <em>no wonder she’s been so skinny all these year. She’s needed to be fed! </em>After a few days, though, I began to think <em>give me a break. Do I really have to do this? </em>Thankfully my earlier instincts have gained some traction.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Why not feed her this way? Am I spoiling her? Wrecking her for adult life? Turning her into a princess? For God’s sake, she’s ten years old! Her adult life is more than halfway over. Besides, her adopted brother Wally is a minor bully. I don’t know how he does it, but she won’t eat when he’s around unless I stand between them. It’s not that Wally stalks her or barks or stares longingly at the food he knows is hers. It’s subtle vibrations only the two of them can feel. On some primal level he wants to starve her out, dominate the pack. Be the last one standing.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            It makes me think of my siblings. I’m not aware that I want any of them to die. In fact, quite the opposite. I like my siblings and would like to see them sooner rather than later. But what about when I was little and more or less helpless? Four older sisters all strong and hungry. Did they eat my lunch when my mother was washing up the dishes? Was I hungry too? Have I been recovering ever since? Learning to take my share? Standing up for myself? Striving to be the one who triumphs in the end?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Of all the possibilities the last is most true. I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to prove myself to somebody: <em>I’ll show you I can sing. I’ll show you. I’ll show you I don’t need your help. I’ll show you I can make it on my own</em>. It’s the soundtrack of my life. It’s been going on so long I don’t even know who I’m trying to impress anymore.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">            Tasha reminded me that feeding her by hand is ok. It’s kindness. It’s compassion. It’s accepting her fear and helping her stay alive long enough to overcome it. </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/6ce0a881c70442aef982c4b194ec43a6e1e73cc5/original/tasha-aug-2015.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6NDQyeDY0MCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="640" width="442" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">TashaGirlMaGirl, getting stronger everyday               </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"> <img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/397122/4578f038a37c39071d71bc09a7345e3845682673/original/image.jpeg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6MjIweDMyMCJd.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="320" width="220" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">Walister Pee McWally (aka Wally) in his favorite place. No door so he goes in and out<br></span><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;">(mostly in, especially when there's rain or thunder)</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; font-family: 'Goudy Bookletter 1911', serif;"></span></p></div>
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